


Becoming

by MsImpala67



Series: Across the Millenia [5]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Character Death, M/M, Magic, Minor Violence, Origin Story, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Witch AU, Witchcraft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-20 18:45:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11926962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsImpala67/pseuds/MsImpala67
Summary: This is the beginning of Jared and Jensen, the story of how they were brought together, how they learned magic, and how they saved each other. It's the story of loss, love, and becoming who they were meant to be. It's the beginning of their forever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> I'm so excited to finally share this piece with you! It's where it all began, and I hope you'll love these characters as much as I do. Please note the dates for each chapter, as this story takes place over decades. 
> 
> Check out my Coven blog: spncovenverse.tumblr.com
> 
> And a very special thank you to justanothersaltandburn, without whom this would never have happened, and whom I can never thank enough for simply being the best.

**_Scandinavia, 773 A.D._ **

“Please, Mother?” Jared makes his eyes as big and round as possible, sticking his bottom lip out just enough that she might think it’s not intentional. 

She stokes the fire in the fireplace, wipes her hands on her skirt, then stirs the stew in the pot hanging over the flames. “Your father hasn’t returned with the others yet. You’d leave me alone through the night?”

It’s a ploy, Jared knows. He’s got her. “You know you don’t need me to protect you,” he grins. “You’re fiercer than any of those warriors.”

“And don’t you forget it,” she laughs. “Are your chores done?”

“Yes, Mother. All of them.”

She peers down at him with blue-green eyes the color of the sea, the same color as Jared’s eyes, wiping her hands on her apron. “You’ll eat dinner first.”

“Thank you!” Jared cries, happily wrapping his arms around her middle and hugging the comforting softness of her. A tangle of fingers through his hair, and then she’s pulling away, ladling the stew into a bowl and gesturing toward the one large wooden table. 

They eat alone, just the two of them, Jared’s older brother and father still gone. They’ve been gone for what feels like far too long, and though she hasn’t said so, Jared can tell Mother’s worried. They rode off with the other men from the village, certain they were going to return with pelts and livestock, perhaps even a few treasures. Mother will never utter the words aloud, but _she_ isn’t certain they’re going to return at all. 

Such is their life. 

Someday, it will be Jared’s turn to ride out with his brother and father. He will take another village by storm, or perhaps even sail to some distant land that hasn’t yet been conquered, and fight a winning battle. He will return home with riches and glory that will sustain his own family. 

But tonight, he has no mind for some future that isn’t his yet. Tonight, there is only the sea. 

The second he swallows the last bite, he’s off. The stool scrapes loudly in protest as he pushes himself away from the table and plants a loud kiss on his mother’s cheek. 

“Don’t forget your-”

She doesn’t have to finish her sentence as Jared grabs his leather satchel and ducks out of the longhouse, long, scrawny legs already burning with freedom as he runs. “I’ll be back right after sunrise!” he shouts over his shoulder. 

It’s a short jog to Jared’s favorite spot in the whole world. The ground seems to move under his feet like the spot is coming to him, like the dirt itself knows where he should be and is trying to assist him in getting there as quickly as possible. 

When the dirt starts to give way to sand, his legs move faster and his lips curl up in a grin. A few more moments and one sharp turn out of the trees, and he’s _home_. 

The sun is just starting to set over the water, scattering it’s light over the foam crests until they sparkle like jewels. The sky is smeared with orange and pinks at the horizon, fading to purple the higher in the air Jared looks, bringing in the night. Pieces of waterlogged wood scatter the sand, bleached by the summer light, worn smooth by the sand and pounding of the water, natural works of art no man could create.

Men speak of Valhalla and Hel, of the joys of the afterlife. Jared secretly hopes death offers something more like this. He longs for an eternity of the salty air, the burn of it in his lungs, the rhythm of the waves that pull his very heart into their beat. 

And he has this place to himself for the entire night. 

He strips out of his boots, tunic, and trousers, leaving them rumpled on top of his satchel, and digs his toes into the sand, still warm from the sunny day. The water is always cold, but it never stops him. He plows right in, shivers his way through until he’s completely submerged, until his body adjusts and the violent shudders turn to just small goosebumps on his skin. 

Jared sits there, arms waving to keep himself under the water, until he can’t any longer, until his lungs are screaming and he has to break the surface again. He does it again and again, testing how far out he’s brave enough to go, how tall a wave he’s willing to jump into, how long he can stay under, like the sea is an old friend with whom he plays familiar games. 

By the time he decides he’s done for the night, he’s exhausted, panting for breath, muscles heavy as he crawls out of the water. The stars are starting to show their faces, and Jared knows there will be a large, bright moon to look at as he falls asleep. 

Happily, he dries himself off with the cloth from his satchel. Mother insists that the illness that took her sister was caused by prolonged dampness and the cool night air. Jared isn’t sure if he believes that, but there’s no harm in following her instructions. 

When he’s dry and as free of sand as he can get himself, he slides his trousers back on and settles down into the sand, making a pillow of his tunic so he can stare up at the worlds above him. 

Just as the moon rises, and Jared is amusing himself by remembering all the warrior legends he’s ever been told and finding their stories in the stars, he feels it. 

It has no name. He hasn’t wanted to give it one, for fear that a name will cause it to happen more often, like he’s welcoming it. 

It’s a feeling, a knowledge deep down in his guts, of something terrible. It’s the feeling of family deaths, of destructive sea storms, of attacks in the middle of the night. It twists and pinches at his insides, making him curl up in a ball, squeezing back tears that he won’t let fall. 

_No_ , he thinks. _Not tonight_. 

It takes every ounce of effort he has, but he eventually manages to relax his muscles and turn toward the sky again, falling asleep with the moon watching, looking colder than he’s ever seen it. 

His eyes snap open again a few hours later, just as the sky starts to shift. He sits up and looks out over the water, barely able to see it, listening to it instead as the world comes to life again. The sun rises over the trees behind him, and he turns to watch the day break, waiting for the promise of it to wake him up, to give him too much energy the way it always does. 

Instead, that feeling from last night returns, cold and heavy in his veins, and he knows he won’t be able to resist it this time.

Without waiting for the sun to fully rise, before the colors have faded into the normal blue, he throws on his tunic, grabs his satchel, and heads for home, running as fast as he can. There’s no joy in the movements like there was last night. His legs ache and he can’t quite find a rhythm with his nervous breath, sweat running down his body like rain as he pushes to get home faster, to assure himself that everything’s as it should be.

The smoke curls into the sky, making him slow down before he gets to the village. It’s dark and thick, clouds of it rising everywhere and joining into one huge mass, the most terrifying thing Jared’s ever seen in his entire life. 

Now, his steps are slow, careful, like if he just takes enough time to get there, whatever this is will have time to right itself. But eventually, he arrives.

The village is gone. 

Everything is unnaturally quiet and still, no sign of animals wandering around, no birds singing a morning greeting. Just ash everywhere. The remains of longhouses, of supply carts and the village wells, are still smoldering, blurring the air with the waves of heat.

Jared doesn’t see a single person anywhere.

His own home is on the far side of the village. With tears streaming down his cheeks, he walks toward it, wanting desperately to turn his eyes to his feet, where he can’t see anything but his own boots. But he can’t. His eyes won’t break away from the decimation around him, and every bit of it burns into his brain permanently, lodging into his memory like thorns. 

Jared reaches the center of the village and drops to his knees at the sight before him, just falls to the ground as his body gives out underneath him, suddenly numb. The bodies swing a bit in the breeze, already stiff and discolored with death, strung up on some wooden contraption built especially to display them. Built with wood torn from the buildings of Jared’s home.

His heart in his throat, unable to draw in a real breath, fingers tingling with lack of blood, he lifts his eyes only enough to start counting pairs of boots. He counts seven men before he reaches a pair of boots he recognizes. 

Father.

He closes his eyes, knowing his brother is there, too, somewhere. He doesn’t want to see. Last night’s stew suddenly makes its way back up, and Jared retches onto the ground, body heaving until he’s empty, until he’s sobbing without tears, shaking and clawing at the ground. When he’s finally able to make a sound, it’s a broken howl, almost inhuman, echoing off the wreckage of his life and drifting away into the air for no one to hear. 

And then he’s running, eyes straight forward, mind zeroing in on the one hope he has left and blocking out everything else. He runs toward his own longhouse, the energy to do so coming from that hope alone.

But of course, it was a doomed hope. His mother and their home would not be the sole reprieve of this attack. He can smell the turf roof burning when he reaches his destination, but his eyes are drawn to the ground, to the small huddle of too-still woman on the ground in front of the door. 

Jared drops again, his entire body hitting the ground this time, flat like maybe if he gets close enough, the ground will just swallow him. 

The sun crawls across the sky and Jared doesn’t move, just sticks to the ground and breathes every now and then. Not that breathing much matters any longer. At some point, a little while after the sun reaches its highest point in the sky, Jared makes the conscious decision to stay numb, _chooses_ not to feel anything. By late afternoon, he’s able to push himself to his feet again and get to work. 

It takes him until dusk to drag his mother to the village dock, to cut his brother and father down and drag them to join her. He’s too small for it, and his muscles are screaming with the effort, but he does it on sheer determination, not noticing that his knees are shaking and his head is pounding. 

For a moment, he feels guilty for putting them in boats that don’t belong to his family, but it fades when he realizes no one else will use them again anyway. It _should_ be a pyre, but he doesn’t have the strength to build one on his own, not a real one. The whole village is a pyre now, really, but he can’t just throw them on top of an already smoldering pile that wasn’t made for them, one that caused this destruction in the first place. So stolen boats, it is. He doesn’t launch them, just gets his family ready, wishing he had offerings to send along with them, then forces his brain not to think a single thought as he lights them. 

Maybe someday, he’ll be able to acknowledge what’s happening. Say goodbye. Tonight, he can only watch the sparks as they drift up into the dark sky, carefully not looking beneath them, not looking at his entire life burning away.

The others in the village deserve to be burned too, to be sent up in smoke to the afterlife, where their rewards are waiting for them. A stab of guilt knifes its way into Jared’s stomach as he walks right past them, back to his own home, the practical side of him needing to search for anything that may have survived.

Of course there’s nothing, just a pile of ash and stone, ready to be blown away by the wind so the world can forget they were ever there to begin with. 

Standing there, lost and empty and still refusing to think about what’s happening, he feels _it_ again. That same knowledge inside of him that’s undeniable and impossible to understand.  
This time, it’s not a warning. He doesn’t feel scared or worried that something worse is going to happen (not that that’s possible anyway). This time, it’s a pull. 

Jared clings to that feeling instantly, desperately attaches himself to the direction, to anything that gives him a goal, something to focus on. His tired little body pulls in on itself, gives into the feeling for the first time, and starts to move again.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Scandinavia, 773-774 A.D_ **

The hut looks like it’s about to fall over. It’s big enough to hold a bed and a table with plenty of room to spare, and the plume of smoke means it also has a fireplace of some sort, but the wood is _old_ , the mud crumbling between the planks, patches of turf sliding off the roof. It’s dangerously close to the shore, and it’s a wonder it hasn’t sunk right into the sand.

This? 

Jared stares at it curiously, wondering how _this_ is possibly the place he’s supposed to find. The feeling inside of him is quiet and settled now, satisfied, so he must be in the right place. He just isn’t sure how or why. 

“Who are you, boy?” The voice is gruff, but not unkind. 

Jared turns to see a tall man carrying firewood. He’s older, gray in his beard, a strong set to his jaw that is actually a little comforting. Jared tries to answer, but the words catch in his throat, and now that he’s here, nothing propelling him to keep going, he’s too exhausted to speak.

The man approaches him and drops the firewood in a loud clatter, peering down at him for a moment, looking him over from head to toe. 

“When’s the last time you ate?”

Jared’s lost count of how many days he’s been walking. Two? Three? He shrugs his answer, still unable to speak. 

“Anyone looking for you?”

Jared forces himself to shake his head and keep his mind blank. He doesn’t know how to tell the man that he’s supposed to be here. Doesn’t know how to explain that he was brought here, though he doesn’t know why. 

The man stares at him and sighs heavily, like he’s slightly irritated, but resigned. “Come on, then. You’re just in time for the evening meal. And help me with this wood.”

A rush of relief pushes out the breath Jared was holding. The man isn’t going to turn him away. He’s going to be allowed to find whatever he’s supposed to find here. He grabs as much wood as his small arms can hold and follows the man inside the hut.

It takes Jared’s breath away. It’s larger than it looks, with a big bed taking up one half, a big table taking up the other, and plenty of shelves hung on the walls and stacked on the floor. There are glass bottles everywhere, filled with all kinds of things Jared doesn’t recognize. Crystals, bones, and metal charms litter every surface, candles burn with odd scents, and strange markings cover the walls. 

Jared finally finds his voice. “You’re a...a shaman?” He’s only heard tales about these people, the ones who practice magic and commune with the spirit world. 

“My name is Jeffrey,” the man answers. “And yes.”

Jeffrey relieves Jared’s arms of the firewood, suddenly very aware of his own appearance. His clothes are dirty and torn, covered in soot. His hair is grimy, face probably hidden under layers of filth. Jeffrey doesn’t seem bothered by it, and Jared is so drained that he isn’t bothered by the fact that he’s being rescued by a witch. 

“What happened to him?” 

Jared was so busy looking at the clutter that he missed the boy standing by the fire, stirring a pot that smells meaty and makes Jared’s mouth water. He’s around Jared’s age, maybe a little older since he’s a little taller. He’s pale, light hair, bright green eyes almost girly with long lashes, but it suits the boy’s face. 

“Same thing that happened to you, I imagine,” Jeffrey says, sitting down at the table with a knife and a loaf of fresh bread. Jared pretends they aren’t discussing him like he isn’t right there in the room with them.

The boy looks at Jared with a carefully blank expression, not reacting to Jeffrey’s words. “You have a name?”

“Jared.”

“I’m Jensen.”

Suddenly, Jared’s starving. 

They eat in silence, plain stew and bread that tastes like a feast to Jared. When he swallows his last bite, Jeffrey gets up and spoons more into his bowl, giving him permission to eat his fill. And he does. He eats until the bread is gone and his stomach is swollen, until Jeffrey and Jensen have not only finished their meals, but cleared the table as well.

Jeffrey takes Jared’s bowl when he’s finally finished, adds it to the pile with the others, waiting to be washed. When he sits back down, he has a solemn expression on his face. “Tell me what happened.”

Jared closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, then shoves the words out as fast as possible. “My village was attacked and destroyed.”

There.

Jeffrey nods, understands everything Jared didn’t say. “How old are you?”

“Eleven.”

“You’ll stay here tonight. We’ll figure out the rest tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” Jared whispers, hoping Jeffrey can hear the sincere gratitude in his voice.

Jensen points to a flimsy privacy screen in the corner. “My bed’s back there. I’ll sleep in front of the fire.”

A sweet warmth creeps into Jared, a full stomach and sleepy brain making him overly emotional about the kindness of this man and boy. Jared swallows hard and nods. “Thank you. I think I’m just going to go get some fresh air for a few minutes before I sleep.”

No one tries to stop him as he goes outside, walks the short distance to the wet sand and waves. He doesn’t get close enough for the water to wash over his bare feet. Just close enough that he can dig nonsense patterns into the sand. 

Jared feels Jensen behind him before he speaks, senses his presence without turning around. “Jeffrey will let you stay here with us, if you want.”

Jared keeps his eyes on the sea. “Is he your father?”

“No. He took me in.” Jensen steps up beside Jared and waits until Jared looks at him. “I lost my family, too.”

Something happens, shifts inside of Jared. He stares into Jensen’s eyes and feels the connection there, the understanding of battle scars and loss. But it’s _more_. There’s something beyond shared suffering between them. It’s like Jared knows him. Like he’s been waiting for him. 

Silent tears stream down Jared’s face, and Jensen watches, not reaching out to comfort him, not trying to speak to him, just watching, seeing, acknowledging Jared’s pain in a way that makes it alright for him to feel it, to let the numbness wear off and the gut wrenching pain take over. When he sinks down into the sand, Jensen sits next to him, cries a few of his own tears for whatever he’s been through. 

It’s just the beginning of his grief. It will take a long time to get to the healing process, longer still to make any kind of peace with it, if he ever can. 

But that feeling, that _strange_ feeling that he can’t describe, the one that brought him here, is pulsing away like a beacon in the night. Pulsing for the boy sitting next to him. 

Jared isn’t alone. 

********  
The next morning, Jared wakes up to leftover stew and more bread. Once again, he eats like he’s starving. 

“I thought you might need another big meal,” Jeffrey smiles, watching him. Jensen is gone, out doing chores, though Jared has no idea what kind of chores the two of them would need to do. There’s no land to farm here, no animals that Jared can see that need to be tended. 

“Thank you.”

“Would you like to talk about what happened?”

Jared stares at the crumbs of bread on the table. “No.”

“That’s fine.” Jeffrey leans forward and gives him a hard look. “Jensen told you what happened to his family?”

“Just that he lost them.”

Jeffrey nods. “And he lost them violently, as I’m sure you did. He lives here now. And if you have nowhere else to go, you are welcome to live here as well.”

Jared looks around. He should be alarmed by this, by the shaman and his unsettling hut on the shore, all the magical, mystical trinkets lying about, by the offer to stay there permanently. He isn’t. He’s just grateful. 

“I would like that.”

Jeffrey nods. “You feel it.”

“Feel what?”

“You were called here. Pulled here. And now that you’re here, you know it’s where you’re supposed to be.”

Jared stares at him, dumbfounded, but Jeffrey only smirks.

“You think I offer my home to everyone I meet? Take in all the strays? You’re here because I feel it, too. I’m supposed to teach you. You and Jensen.”

“Teach us what?”

The old man gestures around the hut at his treasures. “Everything.”

The man’s fingers wave around again, but they aren’t pointing at anything now. Jared watches as a colorful streak, something bright blue between a spark and smoke, follows the path of his hand, disappearing as quickly as it starts. 

“What was-”

“Magic,” Jeffrey shrugs. “You figured that much out last night.”

Like he was beckoned, like he knows the decision for Jared to stay has been made, Jensen enters the hut, lips curled up in what’s almost a smile. 

Jared almost-smiles back. 

It’s a strange feeling. There’s a hole in his chest where his family and his life used to be, where everything he’s ever known used to be, before it was wiped away. A hole that he knows will never be filled.

Even so, he’s home.

********

“Do you know any magic?”

It’s been a week that Jared has been with them, a week since Jeffrey sewed some pelts together and stuffed them with straw, situating it on the floor next to Jensen’s bed so that Jared would have somewhere to sleep. Jared has learned how the routine works here, that he’s expected to help cook and clean and chop firewood. He’s learned that he has more free time than he would like to do as he pleases. It gives him too much time to think. 

But they don’t talk about magic. Jared holds his tongue for an entire week, not wanting to do or say anything unintentionally offensive, and it finally bubbles out of him as they are pumping fresh water from the well, a twenty minute walk inland from the hut. 

Jensen doesn’t seem bothered by the question. “No. I only got here three weeks before you. Jeffrey told me he could teach me, but.”

“But what?”

“But...I wasn’t sure I wanted him to.”

Jared nods, though he’s a little confused. There were no shaman in his village, and they were spoken of as if they were as revered as the gods themselves. It had never occurred to Jared to be afraid or uninterested. It had never occurred to him to be anything other than eager. “Why not?”

“I’m not sure,” Jensen admits. “But I think I want him to now. Now that you’re here.”

Jared grins. He wants to learn alongside Jensen as well, wants to find out why he feels so comfortable here, why some unexplainable feeling brought them together. He can still hear his mother’s voice telling him to trust the fates, that his instincts are the gods’ way of putting him on the right path. Jared’s grin fades as he tucks that memory away, still too painful to think about. 

“Perhaps we should ask, then,” he says, looking up at the sky.

The day is the kind that should be ominous. The sky is low and gray, and the sea matches, angry and loud as the waves crash. Jared has always hated weather like this, when the sky threatened to open up, when he felt like he had to stay inside all day rather than run free in the warm sunshine. But today, he finds solace in it. He couldn’t handle a bright, cheerful day. It would only mock him, make light of his heavy heart, and he’s just beginning to allow himself to admit what happened, let alone grieve. Jared needs the gray for a while. 

He also needs the boy next to him. He’s as sure of that as he is of the saltwater permanently logged in his veins. It’s a strange feeling, one Jared’s never had before. It’s not the love and loyalty of family, not the same bond he had with his own brother. Jensen calms him. He’s quiet and still in a way that makes Jared’s overactive mind stop racing, in a way that allows him to think one thought at a time and sort himself out without the normal chaos of emotions Jared’s used to. 

It’s definitely magic that’s brought them together. That should be impossible or frightening, but it isn’t. Not for Jared. He helps his new friend carry the water back to the hut and wonders how much of it Jensen feels. Does he know they were meant to find each other? That they’re going to help each other through their tragedies? 

Jeffrey’s waiting on them, leaning in the doorway with his arms crossed, one dimple showing through his beard when he grins just a little. “You’re ready.”

It’s Jensen that speaks, sounding much older than his twelve years. “I suppose we are.”

“Let’s begin, then,” Jeffrey nods, waving them into their home. 

Once the teaching begins, it’s two long, frustrating weeks until Jared asks to try anything on his own. Jeffrey talks. And talks. And talks. He lectures them about the importance of learning _everything_ , of making sure that they are intentional and careful with their knowledge. He speaks about balance, about give and take, about nature and their role in it. He teaches them names of crystals and herbs, making them recite the words as they point them out and touch them, until Jared can identify the different rocks by feel alone. 

The work is slow, and Jared is itching to do _something_ , the tiniest little thing, just to see if he can. If the magic inside of him is as strong as it feels. Jensen, on the other hand, seems to have endless patience, asking too many questions and spending every second of his free time going over what Jeffrey taught them that day.

“Can I try it?” Jared finally asks one day, mesmerized by the way Jeffrey can light candles with just a touch of his finger. 

Jeffrey narrows his eyes for a moment. “We haven’t gotten to that yet.”

Jared sighs heavily, knowing better than to argue. 

“Manipulating the elements is not easy,” Jeffrey continues, Jensen perking up from where he’s been staring out the window, focusing his attention on their conversation. “It requires endless emotional control. It would be only too easy to pull too hard in one direction, throwing the other elements out of balance and disrupting things.”

Jared smiles. “If I manage to create fire, I might also accidentally cause a rainstorm?”

Jeffrey chuckles. “Something like that. But it goes deeper. The world can almost always right itself, but that kind of power can throw _you_ out of balance. In here.” He places a gentle hand over Jared’s heart. “It can tear you apart if you aren’t prepared for it.”

Jared hangs his head, knowing that Jeffrey doesn’t think he’s ready. 

Truthfully, he isn’t sure he is either. He just needs to test what he can do. 

With a sigh, he looks over at Jensen. He’s staring out the window again, his eyes miles from here, a haunted look on his face. 

Jensen isn’t ready, either. 

Jared straightens his shoulders and tries to resign himself to simply listening and learning. 

********

“I’d wager it’s snowing inland.” Jensen shivers a little in the cold wind, pulls the fur pelt a little tighter around his neck. His hair is long now, covering his ears and curling around his collar just like Jared’s does. 

Jared turns away from the white-capped water and glances up at the sky. “I’d wager you’re right,” he nods. “Those are snow clouds.”

“I love the snow.” There’s a warmth in Jensen’s voice, a fondness Jared’s only heard a handful of times, though the seasons have changed twice since they met. 

“You do? I prefer summer.”

Jensen grins at him, bumps Jared’s shoulder with his own. “‘Course you do. Sunshine suits you. But I like the snow. It’s pure. Makes you huddle around the fire with-” 

His voice cuts off instantly on a strange, garbled swallow. Jared watches as his eyes darken and he puts his mask back on, that calm facial expression that shows no weakness. 

Jared isn’t fooled. “With your family?”

He ignores the ache in his own chest, pretends that it’s just an echo of Jensen’s, tells himself that he can be there for Jensen without letting his own memories tear him apart. 

Jensen stares blankly into the sky for a few minutes. Jared can feel him working it out in his head, can sense when he’s made the decision to answer, to let Jared in. When Jensen looks at him again, Jared’s breath catches in his throat. 

His eyes are as open and honest as Jared’s seen them, green shining with tears, every ounce of pain he’s been hiding pouring out in one look. “Yes,” he whispers. 

Jared doesn’t speak for fear of saying the wrong thing and sending Jensen back into his silence. He just stares at him and waits. 

“I lived with my mother and sisters. I had three of them, all beautiful even though I spent most of the time fighting with them. My father died just after my youngest sister was born, when I was barely older than a baby myself.” His throat bobs as he swallows, hands rubbing up and down his arms nervously, like he’s hugging himself. “I was out hunting when our home caught fire. It was early in the morning, and everyone was still asleep. By the time they woke up, they were already trapped inside. They were all dead when I arrived. It was just a stupid accident. One stupid accident, and I was alone.”

“So you left?” Jared whispers.

“So I left.”

There’s nothing more to say. It’s all there in the tone of his voice, the deep sorrow that Jared knows shouldn’t come out of someone as young as Jensen, though he’s even younger. Jared doesn’t feel young. He feels absolutely ancient as he feels Jensen’s pain, lets a couple tears fall in acknowledgment. 

“What about you?” Jensen finally asks. It’s not pushy or demanding. Jared knows he could stop the conversation with a nod of his head. 

And then he hears his mother’s voice. Singing as she cooks over the fireplace. Telling him stories of the old gods as he drifts to sleep. Calling for him and his brother to come inside as the sun sets over the water. 

She deserves to be remembered. 

Slowly, carefully, Jared unlocks the part of his heart where he’s kept his family, where he’s buried that day. 

“My father and brother were gone on a raid. It was said that some men in a nearby village had taken some sheep, and it was our retaliation. I don’t know exactly what happened. The men may have died in battle, or they might have been brought back alive and killed in our village.” He shifts his weight and scoots a little closer to Jensen, until their arms are pressed against each other. “Everything was burned. Gone. My mother. Everyone. I was the only survivor, as far as I know.”

It’s not enough. If either of them is going to heal, if they are going to help each other through this, there’s much, much more that needs to be said. But when their eyes meet, a strange peace seeps through Jared’s chest. It’s not comfort, exactly. The pain is still sparking inside of him, just now given voice and ready to take over whenever he lets it. He knows he’ll eventually have to let himself drown in it, if he ever wants to move on.

But he isn’t afraid of it. Not now, not with Jensen next to him, looking just as broken. 

Their eyes hold, and it’s like having a conversation, like sharing a part of themselves even though they aren’t speaking. It hurts to let Jensen see him, to watch how Jensen’s face twists with his own pain, but Jared needs it, welcomes it, wants to purge it from his system now that he has Jensen as an anchor. 

They are, somehow, tethered to each other. Jared knows suddenly and completely that he can shatter and break now, that he can grieve and mourn, and that he’ll come back to himself. Jensen will help him. 

And he’ll help Jensen. 

He isn’t sure when they started crying, but they both have tears on their faces, almost frozen saltwater streaking through the dirt on their cheeks, chests heaving with the struggle of finally letting go. They take their time, letting each small sob out until there are none left to give, letting their tears drip down into the wet sand and disappear like rain drops. 

“Boys?” Jeffrey’s voice interrupts, breaks whatever spell they were under, and they both scrub their hands over their faces to try and hide their tears. 

“Coming!” Jensen calls. He looks at Jared, eyes red and swollen, cheeks flushed, and manages a small smile. 

Jared smiles back, taking a deep breath before following Jensen back to the hut. 

“It’s time, boys,” Jeffrey says. “I think you’re ready to try your first spells.”

Neither of them ask why or how he’s made that decision. They feel ready, and that’s all that matters.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Scandinavia, 775 A.D._ **

“Better. That’s better.” 

Jared watches the bright yellow sparks shoot from his fingertips while he glows under Jeffrey’s praise. It’s been a long year, and he’s needed some kind words for a while now. 

Magic comes easy. Surprisingly easy. From the first time Jeffrey had nodded in encouragement, Jared had no problem pulling it from inside himself, magic pouring out of him like blood. 

But while magic comes easy, control does not. 

It’s like a flood he can’t hold back, like rushing waters that destroy everything in their path. Eventually, the current eases and the flood waters retreat, but such a strong force always leaves damage in its wake. Jared can light a candle with a wave of his fingers, but the flame that roars up threatens to burn the whole hut down. He can float a feather out of Jensen’s hand and into the air, but Jensen’s body goes with it. He can channel the elements, center himself into a meditation, a oneness with the wind and water around him, but it takes three days to pull himself out of the trance. 

“It’s normal,” Jeffrey tells him, a comforting hand on his shoulder. “You’re strong. The most powerful natural witch I’ve ever met. Don’t worry. You’ll learn.”

Jensen struggles a little more with the magic itself, can’t just blink his eyes and cause change like Jared can. But Jared envies his precision, how deliberate each and every spell is, how he learns to use his magic like a muscle, like another limb he is in complete control of. Jensen may not have the same natural gift, but he’s just as powerful. 

They’re inseparable now. It happens when Jared isn’t looking, when he’s not paying attention. Somehow, over the course of the year, they’ve grown together, grown toward each other, become part of each other. When he thinks about it too much, it scares Jared. What if he loses Jensen like he lost his family? 

He knows Jensen feels the same way. There are times when he can feel him pulling away, when they’ve spent too much time together, talking without words, working and learning together, or just simply watching the tide come in, somehow in perfect harmony with one another. It’s then, when they are at their closest, that Jensen shuts him out, gets as quiet and moody as the spring storms that blow at the walls of their home. 

But he always finds his way back. Always, before Jared can work up any real worry or concern over it, Jensen’s right there, looking over his shoulder as he grinds up an herb. 

“How do you do it?” he asks Jensen one day, watching as he controls the path of a butterfly who has wandered away from the fields and down to the water. The butterfly doesn’t seem to mind. 

“You’re trying to control the magic,” Jensen smirks, knowing exactly what he’s referring to. “You need to be working on controlling yourself.”

Jared rolls his eyes, just slightly annoyed, because he has no clue what that really means. “I don’t understand.”

Jensen drops his hand, gives the butterfly back its freedom before locking his eyes on Jared. “Everything you think and feel is always obvious. You never control your words or your actions. You just let your impulses rule you. And while that’s well enough to live your life, it doesn’t allow for good magic.”

“You’ve been listening to Jeffrey too closely. Do you even know what you’re saying?”

Jensen laughs. “I always know what I’m saying. Jeffrey may have said it first, but he’s right. You’re too wild.”

Jared ponders that as he looks out across the ocean, digging his bare toes into the sand as the sun warms up his shoulders. It’s true that he doesn’t think through every little decision, and he’s generally content to say what’s on his mind. Maybe if he learned to control those things, controlling the magic would be easier as well. 

Jensen claps him on the shoulder hard, the tiny sting of it bringing Jared back to the present moment. “Come back inside. I’ll help you.”

 

It takes another few months, but Jared slowly learns to reign himself in. It hurts, like running too far and making his chest and legs burn, but it gets easier with practice. With Jensen’s guidance, he learns to stay calm when he’s using magic, learns to focus on what he’s doing and not how it feels. 

Jeffrey watches them, only adding his own thoughts and guidance when he feels it necessary, spending more and more time just smiling indulgently as they teach each other. 

“Before long, the two of you will be more powerful than I,” he laughs. “The world will be yours.”

Jared laughs with him, but Jensen frowns seriously. “I don’t want the world.”

“What do you want?”

Jensen looks at Jared for a moment, then glances around their home. “Just a little piece of it,” he shrugs. 

“And you’ll have it,” Jeffrey nods. “I’m certain of it.”

********

“Noooo!” 

Jared runs forward, but he doesn’t get any closer to his father, hanging from a rope and screaming for help. Jared can never get close in these nightmares. He sees his family, begging for him to help, and he’s stuck. No matter how much he runs.

He wakes up screaming, sweaty and thrashing around, Jensen’s hand clamped down over his mouth. 

“Shhhh. You’ll wake Jeffrey.”

When Jared’s brain finally registers what’s happening, the scream stops in his throat, turns to a gasp of air that tastes like Jensen’s skin. 

“You alright?” Jensen whispers. 

Jared nods, falls back into his bed so his heart can thud its way back to a normal rhythm. 

“Come on.” Jensen’s already moving toward the door, and Jared only hesitates for a moment before he follows him outside. 

They don’t speak as they walk down to the edge of the water. It’s calm tonight, so still it almost looks like glass as the full moon reflects off it. The gentle waves breaking at their feet are the only indication it’s still the sea. The summer breeze dries the sweat in Jared’s hair, raising goosebumps on his skin as the nightmare fades away, and he takes his first calm breath since waking up. 

“That sounded like a rough one,” Jensen says. 

“Yes.”

Jared can see Jensen clearly in the moonlight, the jut of his chin and line of his jaw as he stares up at the stars. His shoulders are broader now, his hair short once again and an extra inch or two of height making him look like the young man he is now. Jared probably looks older too, he realizes. He’s taller than Jensen now, and his thick hair is long enough to hit his shoulders, just like his father’s used to. 

But their physical growth is not the only thing that makes them feel older.

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

“Not particularly.”

Jensen nods again, then starts stripping out of the clothes he sleeps in. Jared grins and does the same, neither or them worried about modesty, as they’ve long since become familiar with this ritual. 

The sand flies behind them as they dash to the water, splashing in and diving when they get deep enough. Jared’s laughing when he comes up, spitting saltwater everywhere as the water washes away the nightmare sweat and the feelings that came with it. Jensen swims around a little, head tipped up as he floats on his back, quiet but smiling. 

“Wanna race?” Jared asks, looking down the shore to the large rock formation that has long been the finish line, witnessing many an argument about whose arm splashed by first. 

“Not tonight,” Jensen says, arms lazily circling as he pushes himself farther out to where the water reaches up to his shoulders. 

Jared follows him, splashing Jensen just once and getting shoved completely underwater for a moment as a reward. 

“You wanna try again?” Jensen says it softly, a simple question that Jared can say no to if he wants. 

Instead, he bites his lip a little nervously and nods. “Maybe. Why do you think it hasn’t worked?”

Jensen cocks his head to the side. “I don’t know. Maybe because Jeffrey was watching and we felt pressured. Or maybe…”

“Maybe what?”

“I don’t know. Here, let’s try it. Right now.”

Jared swims closer, lifts his hand out of the water, presses his palm flat against Jensen’s waiting one. Their fingers align but don’t lace, just rest against each other. 

“So...we’re supposed to do what, exactly?”

Jensen frowns at their hands. “I don’t know. I don’t think we’re supposed to do anything. That’s why it’s so hard. I think we’re just supposed to...let it happen.”

Jared sinks a little lower into the water and lets it lap around his bare skin, cold and comforting and the place that feels most like home, especially when Jensen’s with him. Jeffrey’s been talking to them about communing, about states in which their minds and spirits can be linked. They haven’t been able to accomplish whatever it is he expects them to yet, but Jared’s not worried. After two years of being only feet away from each other, going through their ‘training’ and depending on each other for everything, he feels like he’s already linked to Jensen. Maybe there’s no way for them to be closer, even magically. 

But if there is, they’ll manage it. 

The water goes still around them, barely rippling with the waves as they stop moving and concentrate, their hands pushing together until Jared’s knuckles are white. They watch each other, eyes communicating as much as they’re able, but that’s it. Nothing new or special or even interesting happens. 

Just as he’s about to give up, to pull his hand away and suggest they get some sleep, it happens. It’s nothing he can identify, no visible change, no strange feeling. But suddenly, instantly, he’s part of Jensen. There’s no other way to describe it. The hand pressed against his own now belongs to him, too. His whole _self_ expands, his thoughts and feelings multiply with Jensen’s, into Jensen’s, until they’re one being. 

And just like that, Jensen pulls his hand away, and it’s over. 

“ _Ohhh_ ,” he breathes, sounding a little awestruck. 

Jared nods his agreement and gives a small, nervous smile. “I think we did it.”

“We definitely did it.”

“That was…”

“It was.”

“What do you think Jeffrey wants us to do with that? What’s the purpose?”

Jensen shrugs. “I’m sure he’ll tell us now that we’ve actually managed to do it.”

Jared’s heart beats a little faster in his chest as he thinks about the magic of it, the sheer power that comes along with doing the impossible. His mind is dizzy with it as he follows Jensen out of the water and back to their clothes. 

When they’re dressed and sitting in the sand, staring up at the stars, Jared gathers the courage to say what he’s thinking. “I don’t want to tell Jeffrey.”

“Why not?” Jensen’s expression is only mildly curious, his body still relaxed. 

“I...I want to...to keep it. It feels like it should just be ours. At least for now.”

It sounds like a confession, and Jared isn’t sure why, but he feels like he wants to hide his face, look away so Jensen won’t see the flush creeping into his cheeks. It doesn’t matter. Jensen isn’t looking anyway. Instead, his eyes are now focusing on the sand, one hand drawing circles in the grain, fidgeting the way he does when he’s uncomfortable. 

“I have nightmares, too,” he finally whispers. 

It’s not at all what Jared expected to hear. It takes him a few seconds to answer. “About your family?”

“Sometimes,” he nods. 

Jared leans forward, pushes his wet hair back from his face. “And other times?”

“Most of the time they’re about you.”

“About me?” Jared’s heart sinks, not wanting Jensen to be angry with him or scared of him. 

“About losing you. About you burning or drowning or just simply disappearing, vanishing like you were never here.”

Jared has no idea what to say. “Oh.”

Jensen looks up and steals the breath right out of Jared’s lungs. His eyes are broken and burning, a green angry fire lighting them up. His voice is soaked through with something desperate and painful. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Jensen himself has said that Jared’s never been good at holding back his reactions, that he needs to gain control, but Jared has none right now. He proves Jensen right and without thinking, his instincts take over and he leans forward, presses his lips to Jensen’s like it’s a normal response to their current conversation. 

Something settles inside of him, in his bones, something ancient and heavy and consuming. In that space between breaths, every single heartache fades. The tragedies that brought him here are just that, and he sees the purpose of them, knows that they will never fade, but that they are not who he is, they don’t define him. 

_This_ moment does. 

_This_ feeling. 

And then he’s very aware of the lips touching his. The second he _feels_ Jensen, his mind snaps back in control and he yanks himself away, horrified at the thought of what he’s just done. There’s nothing but the sound of his heart slamming in his chest and the blood roaring in his ears, teetering on the edge of a dangerous cliff as Jensen just stares at him. 

Jared searches for words, for an explanation or an excuse, for an incantation to take it all back. Nothing comes. 

Words are unnecessary, however, because Jensen only blinks at him, surprised but not angry. Not disgusted. When he leans forward, Jared freezes, certain he’s dreaming now. But Jensen’s voice is very real, his breath hot and sweet as it washes over his lips with the words. 

“I can’t lose you,” Jensen says again, the words even more fervent now. 

The sea itself goes still under the moon, under the spell between them, under the sheer weight of the emotion pouring out of them in almost visible waves. 

“Don’t worry,” Jared answers. “I’ll stay with you.” 

The words fall between them like an anchor. They’re simple words, nothing pretty or particularly fancy about them. But something feels different after they’ve been said. It was a promise, a deep one, one that Jared means with every fiber of his being, and one that is bigger than both of them. 

Jensen nods without blinking, without looking away. “I’ll stay with you.”

Eventually, he turns toward the water, his chest the only part of him that moves, rising and falling with his breath. Jared watches him for a moment, then stares out at the water himself, thinking about the kiss he can still feel on his lips. 

It was a stupid thing to do. Jared has too much inside of him that he doesn’t know what to do with, too many memories and too many new possibilities and too much magic, and he doesn’t know how to deal with any of it. Jensen is his best friend, the only person in the world who could possibly understand any of it, the only person Jared feels connected to now that he’s lost everything else. And since Jensen doesn’t seem to worried about it, Jared decides to just put it out of his mind. 

“You think you could get back to sleep now?” Jensen asks.

The sky is a little darker, like it’s trying to make the night last longer in spite of the sun that will rise soon. 

“Probably.”

“Then we should probably go back inside. Sleep a little before Jeffrey wakes us up.”

Jared nods and walks with Jensen back toward their hut, happy that Jensen seems exactly the way he did before Jared kissed him, quiet and calm and steady. 

They collapse, Jensen on his bed, Jared on his mattress that’s just a little too short for him now. Jensen starts snoring within minutes, but Jared lies awake. It isn’t the nightmare that keeps him up now. And it isn’t the kiss. 

It’s the feel of Jensen’s hand against his as they worked a spell and shared a soul for a moment. His hand tingles with it and Jared wonders how long he should wait before he asks to do it again.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Scandinavia, 778 A.D._ **

“Try again.”

Jared pushes out his breath through his nose, frustrated and tired. “I don’t understand why I’m working with wind. I’m better with fire.”

“That’s exactly why.” Jeffrey says it like it’s obvious, like it’s something Jared should already know. “Fire is your element. You were born for it. It’s already inside of you. But wind? That’s a challenge. You need to learn to harness it. And to be honest with you, you need the calm of it. It’ll settle you.”

Jared wishes Jeffrey and Jensen would stop telling him that he needs to be settled. He’s heard it for four years now, and enough is enough. Maybe they just need to get comfortable with strong emotions. 

Either way, there’s a plant sitting in front of him, trying to grow in a clay pot Jeffrey has filled with dirt, waiting for Jared to harness the wind. The plant is shriveled and discolored, obviously sick, and water and sunlight haven’t helped it. 

So now it’s up to Jared.

Jensen watches them both from across the table, smirking at Jared’s irritation. Jared rolls his eyes at him before closing them to try again. 

He goes into the trance fairly quickly, used to using his breath now. It’s easy to expand his lungs, to let the air he breathes in spread deep inside of him, fill him up until he feels like he’s floating. He finds a rhythm with his breathing, intentionally moving the air around his body until it’s everywhere, expanding into his fingers and toes, into his mind until he can almost see it. Until he’s part of the air around him.

When he feels ready, he opens his eyes and looks at the plant, his altered state of mind seeing with different eyes, seeing _inside_ the plant, seeing the dark parts that aren’t working properly, the ones that are sick and unclean. 

Carefully, he pulls all the air in his body up, collecting it, soaking it with his magic. And then, with as much control as he possesses, he pushes it out. One deep, long breath, exhaling the air onto the plant. He watches as the air curls around it, as the magic snakes around the stem and the leaves and seeps into those sick places. Jared keeps exhaling, keeps pushing air out of his body until he blows it all away. The magic is forced beyond the plant, toward the open door of the hut, out into the open sky where it will get lost. 

And it takes the sickness with it. 

Jared blinks a few times, pulling himself out of his trance and back to the table with Jeffrey and Jensen. 

“It worked,” he whispers, surprised at himself. 

The plant looks no different now, leaves still wilted, the green still the wrong shade. But it’s healed. Jared’s certain. Tomorrow, it will stand strong and beautiful again. 

Jeffrey claps a hand down on Jared’s shoulder and smiles. “You’re certain?”

Jared nods enthusiastically, grinning up at Jeffrey’s proud expression. “I’m certain.”

“Well, it’s about time,” Jeffrey teases, patting his back affectionately before setting the plant back in the only window to bask in the sun. 

Jensen doesn’t say anything, but Jared can feel his pride, stronger than Jeffrey’s. These days, Jared can feel everything Jensen feels. Including the feeling of guilt that Jeffrey doesn’t know that. That’s one they share. 

“Now, if only we could get Jensen to master fire.”

The smile slide off Jensen’s face so quickly, and he looks so completely humorless that Jared has to laugh. “I’m not the only one who has issues with control. Jensen just has too much.”

“Yes, yes.” It’s Jensen’s turn to be frustrated, to roll his eyes. “Jared can’t control anything and I can’t let go. I know. I’m trying.”

Jeffrey sits down, long legs stretching out underneath the table as he leans back on two legs of his chair. “Why don’t you go try now? There’s a pile of driftwood that’s all dried out a little way down the shore. See what you can do with it. I need to speak to Jared alone.”

Jensen looks at Jared with raised eyebrows, but Jared only shrugs. He doesn’t know what it’s about. “Alright. But if I burn the sea away, it’s your fault, Jeffrey.” 

Their home feels a little empty once he leaves, and Jared’s already itching to get outside with him.

“Can I ask you something?” Jeffrey doesn’t ease slowly into the conversation, and Jared doesn’t mind. He’s too curious to worry about manners.

“Of course.”

“How long have you and Jensen been as...close as you are? When was the first time you shared consciousness?”

Jared thinks of a night two years ago, a full summer moon, cold saltwater, a touch of hands and a touch of lips he can still feel like it was yesterday, though he and Jensen both pretend it never happened. “How long have you known?” he counters.

“A while.” The edges of his lips pull up like he’s holding back a smile.

“Two years,” Jared confesses. “But we never lied to you! We just never said anything and you never asked.”

Jeffrey leans forward to rest his elbows on the table. “It’s fine, Jared. I’m not angry or upset. I’m impressed.”

“Impressed?”

“I see the way you are with each other, the way you speak without words. How you depend on each other. It’s nice to have someone to share magic with. Keeps you from getting lost in it.”

There’s a sadness in his voice that cuts through Jared. 

“Did you?” he asks quietly. “Get lost in it, I mean?”

In all the years Jared’s been here, with all the questions he’s asked, Jeffrey has remained a mystery, never telling him and Jensen anything personal, keeping his life to himself.

Jeffrey stands up and moves to the open door, stares out at the spring afternoon, still cool, but with the scent of new life on the breeze. “I met a woman named Sassa when I was just barely a man. She was a powerful witch. Kind and sweet. She was…”

His voice trails off, and Jared wonders what memories are putting that soft smile on his face. When tears well up in his eyes, he blinks them away and clears his throat, turns back to Jared. “You remind me of her. The way you love everything so much it overwhelms you.”

Jared feels the heat rise in his cheeks. “What happened to her?” he asks, wanting to take the attention off himself. 

“She died giving birth to our son. And he died shortly after.” The words are said quickly, clipped at the ends to let Jared know he isn’t allowed to ask any more questions. “And after she died, I didn’t have anyone. I was so used to sharing myself with her, to sharing the power we had, that having it all to myself was too much. I became a slave to it. Used it to stop my grieving. I used it to satisfy my own greed, power just for power’s sake, and it nearly destroyed me.”

“How did you...how did you stop?”

Jeffrey smiles. “Another story for another time.”

“Why are you telling me this?” 

Jeffrey sits back down and leans toward Jared with the most serious expression Jared’s seen on his weary face. “I want you to know that I understand what you and Jensen share. I understand the way magic binds you together. And…and I understand that it’s _more_ than just the magic binding you together.”

Jared freezes, tries to keep his breath from stuttering. “Wh-what?”

“The two of you belong together,” he says bluntly. “And I need you to know that there’s nothing to be afraid of. It’s not what you’ve been taught, not the way of things as you know it, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t real. It’s what’s right for the two of you, and anyone, even people who have no magic at all and don’t believe in it, can see that the two of you can’t be apart.”

Jared swallows hard, unsure of what to say or how to process his words. It’s a lot to absorb. He and Jensen never speak of it, hide it from Jeffrey without thinking, cling to each other while pretending they aren’t doing exactly that. To have it said out in the open, to give words to it, makes Jared feel cut open, all of his insides spilling out for everyone to see. 

Jeffrey reaches out to squeeze Jared’s forearm, a comforting pressure that brings Jared out of his panic. “It’s good. It’ll keep you both safe. Stay with him.”

“I will,” Jared croaks. It’s like a dam has broken, and he’s drowning in things he hasn’t let himself feel, in truths he’s tried to ignore. It’s all so real now.

“Good. Now, go find him. He’ll be grinding the wood into sand by now if he wasn’t able to burn it.”

Jared grins and stands up, throwing his arms around Jeffrey’s neck. “Thank you,” he whispers as Jeffrey hugs him back in a tight, warm grip. 

And then he’s running out of the hut and toward Jensen. 

Jensen is standing next to the pile of driftwood Jeffrey had sent him to, staring down at it with such an angry expression that Jared doesn’t know how it hasn’t caught fire yet just out of pure fear. He grins as he watches Jensen think. His brain is practically visible as it works, as it struggles to figure this out. 

“Jen?” Jared uses the sweet name on purpose. He saves it, has used it only a handful of times since they’ve met, saying it only when it matters. When he really means it.

Jensen looks up, the anger draining away almost instantly as he takes in Jared’s expression. There’s a warmth inside of Jared now, one that he’s still a little afraid of, but he pushes it out toward Jensen anyway, wills him to feel what he’s feeling, to finally admit this thing they share. 

“What did Jeffrey want?” Jensen asks.

Jared shrugs, as if the conversation was of no significance. “He wanted to tell me that you and I belong together.”

Jensen’s eyes go wide, and Jared holds his breath, knowing that he just jumped off a cliff and there’s no going back now. No time has ever passed slower than the moments that follow, heavy with silence and things they both feel but don’t talk about. Jared tries to read Jensen, tries to feel what he’s feeling, but there’s too many nerves, too much shock to feel anything else. 

Jared waits him out as patiently as he can, watching his face as he thinks it all through. 

And then, Jensen smiles, a joyful, shy, perfect smile that Jared can feel all through his own body, warm and sweet and filling up all the empty places inside of him until there are none, until he’s more whole than he’s ever felt, until he knows that nothing in existence will ever mean more than Jensen. 

There’s a conversation in that smile, feelings admitted and acknowledged, promises made, a name given to four years of learning and growing and _becoming_ together. Jared pulls himself to his full height, on the same eye-level as Jensen now, and returns the smile, stepping forward until Jensen can reach out and touch him if he wants to. 

Jared isn’t sure what he’s expecting. A hug? Perhaps another kiss like the one they shared what seems like a million years ago? Instead, Jensen raises one hand, palm out, and waits. Jared hurries to push his own hand against it, lacing their fingers this time like he wants to hang on forever. It takes almost no effort for them to link themselves together, all barriers finally removed, all walls burned down, just two souls bare and open and melting into one, the most powerful thing Jared’s ever felt. 

It buzzes all around them, like the air right before a lightning storm, the waves crashing louder on the shore, the wood next to them blazing up suddenly, everything bowing down to the force they’re creating, celebrating with them. 

Jensen speaks inside the little world they’ve created for themselves, words gently whispering over Jared’s exposed heart. “I wanted to tell you, wanted you to know that I was never going to leave you. I was afraid you’d push me away.”

“Never,” Jared says, squeezing their hands together impossibly tighter. “I told you, I’ll stay with you. I meant it.”

Jared wants to say more, tries to think of lovely words he heard his father say to his mother, that he heard people say during their wedding ceremonies. But his young mind isn’t capable of putting words to the heavy emotions coursing through him. He just stands there instead, letting Jensen feel him, memorizing the way Jensen is looking at him. 

The whole world goes still when they kiss, leaning forward at the same time and sinking into it like they’ve been practicing. Their lips move together with purpose this time, a little clumsy, but seeking the right way to do this, the right way to express what their words cannot. Jensen’s hand pulls away from Jared’s to grab his waist, pull him closer, but it doesn’t break whatever is binding them. Jared can still feel the bright light of Jensen, entwined with his own and burning away while they kiss, while Jensen’s hand moves to his back to hold him close, while Jared’s chest presses into Jensen to get as close as his physical body will allow. 

They don’t pull away until the sun is starting to set, until the world finally continues to move on around them. And even then, they keep their hands locked together as they walk back to the hut. 

That night, alone on the shore, Jared says goodbye to his past. He says prayers for his family, cries for their memories, locks them inside his heart where he can keep them with him always, and then he lets go of all the pain. The sorrow inside of him, the hurt that holds him down and holds him back, gets washed away with the saltwater, taken out with the tide, and Jared feels the weight of it leave him, until he’s so light he’s certain he could float if he wanted to.   
And when he’s finished letting go of the past, he heads back inside to Jensen. To all the things yet to come.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Scandinavia, 779 A.D._ **

“There’s extra firewood stacked by the trees, and there’s plenty of cheese and bread.” Jeffrey has been preparing to leave for an hour now, and Jared wishes he would just go. It’s making him nervous to watch Jeffrey’s bustling about. 

“You’re acting like we’re children, Jeffrey. We can manage a day without you.”

Jeffrey grins. “I know you can. But this time, you’re going to have to manage for a couple of weeks.”

“What? You’re just going into the village for the things we need, aren’t you?”

Jeffrey nods. “Yes, but I thought I would travel to another village first. Visit an old friend. Is that alright?”

Jared pretends not to jump at the bit, manages to control himself and give a calm, steady nod and smile. 

He controls himself while Jeffrey takes his time gathering the last of the things he wants to take with him, while he says goodbye to both of them, Jensen keeping a straight face while smirking at Jared with his eyes. 

Jared and Jensen never really get the chance to be alone. 

The second Jeffrey is gone, disappeared over the sand-covered hill separating the shore from the trees, Jared lets out a breath and turns to Jensen, opens his mouth and says...nothing.

Jensen looks as shy as Jared feels, shifting his weight and throwing off jittery feelings that make their way to Jared to mix with his own.They don’t normally touch, they don’t ever kiss or brush hands or do anything physical that isn’t strictly called for by a spell. 

But everything in Jared is screaming for it, has been since he was a child. And this is their chance. They’ve got two weeks to be with each other without holding back, to say all the things they both feel and never discuss, to see just how close they can get. 

Jensen steps closer, but still doesn’t reach out. “Should we work on the spell Jeffrey showed us yesterday?”

Jared can feel a heat that has nothing to do with their bodies, seeping out of Jensen and gathering inside his own body, an excitement racing through his blood that settles in his most hidden places. “Yes,” he grins. “We should.”

The small, flat chunk of wood is lying on Jensen’s bed where he tossed it earlier, and they both sit down on the blankets to look at the carvings there, the explanation of this particular magic. 

“I don’t understand the point of this spell,” Jensen admits, saying it like it’s a confession he’d feel guilty about if anyone other than Jared heard it. “It seems to have no use.”

“I think Jeffrey is just trying to test our magic. He wants to show us how to stretch and manipulate the power we have.”

Jensen frowns at the runes. “I suppose.”

“Here,” Jared says, holding out his arm, palm up to show the inside of his wrist. “I’ll try it first.”

Jared reads over the spell, but it’s not anything too complicated. Jensen watches as Jared concentrates on his outstretched arm, breathing slowly and evenly, forcing his mind to focus. 

Slowly, the design appears on his skin. It looks like the markings the men etch into their arms and chests with wood ash, a dark blue stain that portrays some meaningful symbol or depicts some violent event. Those markings are designed to make the men look like the warriors they are, to serve as a warning to those who see them. But the design that appears on Jared’s arm is not at all aggressive or violent. Jensen grins at the rock formation as it darkens, an exact image of the rocks just a little way down the shore, the ones they sit on to watch sunsets over the water, where they’ve spent hours existing in a shared consciousness, closer than any two people have ever been or ever will be. 

Jared smiles down at it, too, rubbing his fingers over it just to be certain it’s real and permanent. 

“How long will it last?” Jensen asks. 

Jared shrugs. “I think until I decide to remove it.”

Jensen reaches out slowly, carefully places his fingers over the rocks and begins to breathe in that purposeful way that means he’s using the magical parts of himself. Jared holds still, tries not to show how much he loves the feel of Jensen’s skin against his own. 

There, underneath the rocks, is one single symbol. It’s not one Jared’s ever read, not one that people tell stories about and form out of iron to hang in their homes, not even one that he’s learned from Jeffrey. The symbol is one that he and Jensen taught themselves. Jared stares at it and remembers a cloudy day some years ago, the weather turning cooler as winter approached, and Jensen digging into the sand with a stick. It was a nonsense design at first, but it became theirs that day. 

It’s love and loyalty and a thousand promises all wrapped into one mark that came out of Jensen’s mind, and Jared thinks he’ll probably never remove it. 

He realizes that he and Jensen are staring at each other now, their unconscious selves reaching out and joining together until Jared can feel his breaths, can smell the blood pumping through his veins. 

“You did well,” Jensen smiles.

Jared’s cheeks heat up under the praise, and he isn’t quite sure why it’s different this time, why the way Jensen is looking at him makes him feel more exposed than usual, given that Jensen has access to every part of him all the time. Jared hadn’t known there were things they had left to discover. 

“So did you.”

Jensen clears his throat. “Should we eat supper?”

Jared nods and gets up when Jensen does, following him to the pot over the fire. That morning, Jensen had started a soup using the last of the summer vegetables, and it’s been simmering all day, filling the hut with a mouth-watering scent. As Jensen stirs the soup, Jared presses up behind him, not quite touching him, but unable to put any real distance between them. He can still feel the pressure of Jensen’s fingers on his arm, and he craves more, wants to sink back into that closeness. Without thinking, he reaches out and places his hand over Jensen’s, helping him stir.

Jensen doesn’t appear to have any outward reaction, but Jared can feel the slight jump of nerves followed by an eager anticipation that makes Jared feel a little shivery. 

“Get the bowls?” Jensen murmurs, and Jared pulls away. 

They eat in a comfortable almost-silence, only speaking every now and then about nothing important. They clean up, put out the fire, go through the nightly routine of chores and meditation. Before Jared knows it, it’s time for bed. 

They leave the door open, letting in the cool breeze and the sound of the waves crashing, a little wilder tonight because of the wind. 

“Do you think it might storm?” Jared asks, heading toward his mattress. 

“Perhaps. But a bit of thunder might be nice tonight.”

Jensen stands next to his bed, looking from it down to Jared’s mattress with a frown on his face.   
“Aren’t you too tall for that mattress now?”

Jared tilts his head. “For the last few years, actually. But I generally curl up when I sleep anyway. It doesn’t bother me.”

A little boy grin spreads across Jensen’s face, bright and mischievous. “Jeffrey isn’t here. We could...we could sleep on his bed. There’s plenty of room, and it would be so much more comfortable.”

Jared can hear the word ‘together’ at the end of that sentence that Jensen doesn’t say. It makes the shivery feeling from earlier return with a vengeance, magnified now as it spreads from his spine out to his fingers and toes. He doesn’t trust his voice, so he just shakes his head yes.

They’re stripped down to their linens, just soft undergarments and no shirts at all when they pull back the blanket and slip underneath it. Jared is careful not to touch Jensen as he stretches out, holding back a groan at the sheer comfort of a real bed, the luxury of being able to lie flat without his feet hanging off the edge. He can hear Jensen’s sigh, and knows that he’s enjoying the unexpected softness just as much. 

“We should have done this before,” Jensen whispers into the moonlit darkness. “Why didn’t we do this any of the other times Jeffrey went into the village?”

“I’m not sure,” Jared says. “But it feels almost too good.”

They lie there for a few minutes, basking in it, squirming and settling deeper into the bed until they’re facing each other without consciously meaning to, both of them sinking a little toward the middle of the bed. 

It’s bright enough for Jared to see that Jensen’s eyes are open, dark enough that he feels safe looking back, like maybe Jensen can’t see how flushed he is or how desperate his own eyes must be. It’s just too much, to be this close, to know that he’s allowed to feel this now, and that he’s inches away from experiencing it in a much more intense way if he wants to. If Jensen wants to. 

For a few minutes, Jared just looks his fill while he tries to come up with something to say, a way to tell Jensen what he wants without pressuring him, without embarrassing himself. 

But of course, Jensen beats him to it. And of course, Jensen doesn’t have to say anything, because he always understands their relationship better than Jared does, always knows what they need while Jared’s still sifting through overwhelming feelings. 

Jensen simply pulls an arm out from under the blanket and holds up his hand, the same way he did in the ocean, the first night they bound themselves together. Jared eagerly slips his fingers through Jensen’s, curling around his hand and squeezing. 

But this time, they don’t intentionally link their minds. There’s no spell. The only magic is the feel of Jensen’s skin against him, the beauty of a gesture so simple and so meaningful, the way their fingers curve together like they were made to do just this. This time, Jensen wants Jared to know he’s making this decision because he wants to. It’s about the two of them and only the two of them, not about magic. 

Jared leans in and offers his mouth for the third kiss of his life.

Jensen’s lips are exactly how Jared remembers them, full and soft and warm, calm and unafraid as they seek Jared’s. This time, they kiss like they know how, like they’re used to doing this, like they’ve been planning and practicing during all those moments when they didn’t actually kiss. Jared doesn’t think twice about wrapping his arms around Jensen and pulling him closer, their bare chests touching.

Oh, it feels like he’s where he’s supposed to be now. Jensen makes a low, soft noise in the back of his throat as he keeps kissing Jared, pushes back against Jared’s hands when they spread over his back, feeling the muscles there. 

They pull away, panting, and Jared can feel the question Jensen’s asking with his whole body. 

_Can we?_

Honestly, Jared isn’t sure. He knows how physical things work between a man and a woman. His mother explained that to him once when he asked how he and his brother came to be. But no one has ever explained how it works between two men. Jared isn’t even sure that it does work between two men. But he knows he wants to. He knows his body is crying out for it, that he’s hard and aching, and that Jensen is too. 

And he knows that he trusts Jensen with his whole life. They can do whatever they want. He’s never been more certain of anything. 

Like Jared said the answer to the unspoken question, Jensen moves, rolls a little so that Jared’s forced to his back and Jensen’s leaning over him. When he kisses him again, it’s harder, more desperation spilling from Jensen’s mouth into Jared’s. 

When Jensen slides his hand into Jared’s hair, letting the messy strands tangle and pull around his fingers, Jared moans against Jensen’s tongue, arches up into his body.

Is this what he’s been missing all this time that he’s stopped himself from touching Jensen? Is this the thing that people keep secret? Or are the two of them just...special somehow?

He stops thinking about that, stops thinking about _anything_ when Jensen moves again, this time sliding his hand down Jared’s ribcage as he kisses over his jaw. It’s like little sparks of fire over his skin, like he’s glowing from the inside out everywhere Jensen touches. He runs his own fingers up and over Jensen’s arm, tracing patterns over the large muscles and watching as Jensen’s eyes flutter when he feels it, too. 

“Jen…” he whispers.

“I know. Me too.”

Jensen carefully kneels up and hooks his fingers over the linen covering Jared’s lower body. When he pulls at it, Jared lets him. He isn’t sure what Jensen’s plan is, but he’s certain he wants to let it play out. He watches as Jensen undresses him, reveals every part of him in the pale moonlight, looks him over with an expression Jared can’t pinpoint but wants to live in forever. He should be embarrassed or self-conscious, but he isn’t. He’s more grounded than he’s felt since the magic brought him here. 

“I know we don’t speak of such things,” Jensen murmurs, running his hand down Jared’s arms until their hands are linked once again. “But I want to say this out loud tonight.”

Jared nods and waits, unable to breathe as Jensen stares at their hands, then drags his green eyes up to meet Jared’s. 

“You and I are bound. And not just by magic. I’ll stay with you, _elskan min_. Until death. And maybe after.”

The words knock the breath out of Jared, bring tears to his eyes, settle inside all the broken parts of his heart and heal them. 

“ _Elskan min_ ,” he repeats, mostly just testing out the words on his own tongue. And then he grips Jensen’s hand a little tighter. “Maybe after,” he promises. 

Everything moves like water then, hands and lips running over skin, the waves of Jensen’s muscles as he undresses himself, the crest of their sighs as they explore each other, the crash of their bodies into one another when Jared spreads his legs and pulls Jensen between them, lets their hard lengths rub together as they kiss. 

The burning heat inside of Jared spreads slowly, grows with each touch like Jensen’s stoking it, blowing on it to watch the flames grow. He starts to sweat, and the slick slide of their skin makes him even hotter, makes him want Jensen even more. 

There’s only one way their bodies can truly join, and Jared doesn’t find it even a little strange when Jensen reaches a hand down, grazes his hard length and makes Jared cry out with the sensation of it, then moves lower. He slips one finger inside of Jared, slow, easing it in with immense care, watching Jared’s face for any sign that he should stop. 

It burns a little, the stretch of it new and a little unsettling at first. But once that fades, Jared’s left with the knowledge that the foreign feeling inside of him is Jensen, that they are literally sharing his body. He shifts a little, clenches around Jensen’s finger and gasps at the pull of it. 

Slowly, still so, _so_ careful, Jensen pulls his hand away, and in a moment of sheer brilliance, spits on his hand, covering his fingers before pressing two against Jared this time. They thrust into him easier now, with the spit to slick the way, and Jared pushes down on them involuntarily, his hips naturally seeking more when he feels that full feeling again. 

Jensen moves his fingers around, touching Jared’s insides and making him squirm with it, finding spots that make Jared see the stars he’s spent so much time learning about. Jared can feel himself opening up, letting Jensen in like he belongs there, relaxing and stretching open until two fingers isn’t enough. 

“Jen, please... _more_.”

Jensen grunts a noise that doesn’t really mean anything, then pulls his hand away again. Jared watches as he spits in his hand again and rubs at himself, thick and hard and flushed with how much he wants this.   
Jared realizes what he’s doing, bites back a loud noise that wants to come out of him just at the thought of it. “Wait,” he says instead, “let me do it.”

His mouth is watering at the thought, and he isn’t sure why. He’s just sure that he has to get his mouth on Jensen, that he has to taste him and kiss him and worship him in this way. Jared knows how good his own hand feels against this sacred part of his body, so he can only imagine how much better a soft tongue would feel. He wants to give that to Jensen. 

If Jensen needs to be slick and wet, Jared will do it. 

As he scrambles up and leans forward on his hands and knees, dipping his head down, he closes his eyes and breathes Jensen in, surprised at how easy this is, at how they both somehow know what to do. 

Jensen tastes as perfect as Jared knew he would. Jared already knew he was in love with him, but he knows it all over again when he tastes that salty, hot skin and hears the way Jensen sighs, feels the way his muscles tighten with the pleasure of it. He tries not to get lost there with Jensen in his mouth, tries to focus on getting him wet enough to do what they both so desperately want now, but he has to take just a moment to learn the lines of curves of him, to memorize the exact pink color of him. 

When Jensen’s practically dripping from Jared’s wet tongue, he pulls away and lies down on his back again, spread open and arms outstretched to pull Jensen back on top of him. 

“Are you ready?” Jensen asks, leaning over him with a look on his face Jared’s never seen before, consumed and overwhelmed and vulnerable. 

“I’m ready,” Jared assures him, locking his hands in the small of Jensen’s back. “Are you?”

Jensen answers with a nod and a kiss and a push of his hips. 

And then he’s spreading Jared open, sliding in inch by slow inch, making Jared writhe and grit his teeth and claw Jensen’s skin. Jensen’s no better, burying his head in Jared’s shoulder and sucking at his pulse, groaning and tensing his muscles like he’s having a difficult time moving so slowly. 

But finally, _finally_ , Jared feels Jensen pressed up against him, and he knows he’s as deep as he can get, that they are finally completely joined together. 

For a long time, they stay just like that. Jared takes the time to process everything. He stares up at Jensen until the image of his face in this moment is burned in Jared’s mind. He closes his eyes and takes in each and every sensation, from Jensen’s breath on his neck to the way their toes are brushing against each other. And then he concentrates on the feeling of Jensen inside of him, how full and stretched open he is, how bare and exposed he feels and how he’s not at all scared by it because he wants Jensen to be inside of him always, to know every little thing there is to know about his body, how every part of him feels. 

When Jensen moves, pulls out just enough to allow them to feel it, Jared wants to cry. It’s such a close, intense feeling, so pleasurable Jared wonders for a moment if they can die from it. 

But once again, Jensen makes it hard for him to wonder anything at all. His mind shuts down and his body takes over as Jensen begins to roll his hips, to push in and out of Jared in a rhythm. Every now and then, he pushes a little harder and touches some spot in Jared that makes his toes curl and his heart slam in his chest, a spot that makes the hardness of him that’s trapped between their stomachs jerk like it can feel it, too. 

They try to kiss their way through it, but it’s more like simply breathing into each other’s mouths. They don’t really have the presence of mind to move their lips like they’re supposed to. 

Whatever is happening between them grows and grows, builds into something that’s almost scary. Jared recognizes the pressure building inside of him, but it’s so different from the times he’s caused it himself, so much more now that he’s sharing it with Jensen. 

Jensen explodes inside of Jared, a sweet liquid heat filling him up, and the sound of his name on Jensen’s lips in that moment sends him over the edge, too. He makes a sticky mess between their stomachs, spilling everything he has to offer without ever being touched. 

They watch each other shake with it, share it like they share everything else until Jared isn’t sure which sensations are his and which are Jensen’s. It doesn’t matter. He wants them all. 

They fall asleep still joined together, Jared hardly able to breathe under Jensen’s weight and not caring at all. 

Jared hadn’t thought it was possible to be more attached to Jensen, to need him more than he already did. Once again, he hadn’t known there was more to learn and discover. 

Now he knows that they’re life is just getting started. 

He falls asleep smiling. 

The next day is exactly the same and completely different than every other day they’ve spent together. Jared wakes up in an empty bed, drags his britches on and stumbles outside to find Jensen watching the sunrise, standing at the water’s edge while the cold water runs over his feet when a wave gets high enough. Jensen doesn’t turn around when he feels Jared standing at the door, but holds his hand out behind him instead. Jared manages to walk instead of run, but he doesn’t take Jensen’s hand. He just wraps his arms around Jensen from behind, pushing up against him and nuzzling his face in the bend of Jensen’s neck. 

“How are you?” Jensen’s voice wobbles just a tiny bit. 

“I’m...I don’t know how I am. The best I’ve ever been. There’s not a word for it.”

“Me too.” 

The rest of the day, they do their chores, cook their food, talk about the friend Jeffrey is visiting and who that could possibly be, practice their magic a little...all the things they do every single day. But this time, they stand closer, they look at each other a little longer when their eyes catch. Jensen catches Jared’s wrist a couple of times and stares at the mark there, at their symbol permanently engraved in Jared’s skin. Jared sneaks a kiss here and there, loving the way that Jensen sighs into it each time like they have more important things to do, but is always the last to pull away. 

They fall into Jeffrey’s bed again that night, but this time they only sleep, bodies wrapped around each other like vines. 

It’s almost as good as the night before. 

They don’t enjoy each other physically for three more days. There’s no real reason except it just feels like there’s no rush, like they can take their time sinking into this without worrying, like the memory of that night and the anticipation of another is just as enjoyable. 

But when Jared wakes up hard a few days later, he decides to go with it. 

Jensen’s still sleeping next to him, lying on his stomach and snoring into his pillow, but it only takes a kiss to the back of his neck to wake him up. Jared licks across the freckles on the tops of his shoulders, then down the creamy skin of his back, gently biting once, then again when the first one makes Jensen moan. 

Jared wants to know what it feels like inside of Jensen. 

He knows that Jensen will tense up when he realizes what Jared’s about to do, so he starts rubbing at the muscles of Jensen’s back, still warm and loose with sleep, pushing all the calming sensations he can down into Jensen’s skin. 

“You don’t have to do that,” Jensen murmurs, and there’s a grin in his voice. “I want you to.”

“You’re sure?”

Jensen spreads his legs a little and pushes his ass up. 

That same throbbing ache from before burns through Jared. He rubs at himself as he leans down, plants a kiss right on the swell of the flesh Jensen’s presenting, then slides his hand over Jensen, pressing two fingertips against his hole.

“Don’t. Just want you inside me. Hurry.”

Jared snorts a laugh at his impatience and his inability to form a full sentence, then crawls on his knees up the bed toward Jensen’s head. “At least get me wet enough first?”

Nothing, not even their first time together, could prepare Jared for the feel of Jensen’s lips as they wrap around him, the feel of his wet tongue as it explores. He almost falls forward when Jensen sucks, the sensation catching him off guard with its sharp heat. Jensen’s mouth is so soft, feels so intense, that Jared is letting out noises he can’t control, deep and primal noises that only make Jensen keep going. 

But Jensen knows what he wants, and so he manages to pull away, to fall back down on his stomach, face once again buried in the bed. 

Jared’s dripping wet now, feeling like he’s going to explode the very second he touches Jensen. With shuddering breath and rigid muscles, he moves over Jensen, gets between his spread legs and lowers his body until he’s draped over all of Jensen’s hot skin. 

He goes as slowly as he possibly can, knowing Jensen isn’t ready, knowing he’s too tight and Jared will hurt him if he moves too fast. The second he feels the impossible softness of Jensen, the second he knows what being inside of him will feel like, there’s a split second where he feels like he can’t hold back, like he’s going to just bury himself. 

But it fades almost instantly, and Jared’s left with a feeling of peace, of the calm knowledge that this is where he belongs. He can take all the time he needs, because each tiny sensation is perfection, the wait of it and the patience it requires is the sweetest burn he’s ever felt. He could stay right here, right on the edge of this, for the rest of his existence. 

Jensen groans at the tip of Jared inside of him, lets out a broken sound that is so bare and raw Jared has to lean down and press sweet kisses to the back of his neck, has to place his hands over Jensen’s where they are gripping the edges of the bed. 

It takes several long minutes for Jared to fully join himself to Jensen. He stops often, lets Jensen moan and writhe and adjust, allows Jensen to open up and let him in rather than push. But when he’s finally there, when he’s finally buried as far as he can be, his entire body pressed against Jensen’s now, he can’t control himself.   
He doesn’t thrust, doesn’t pull out and push back in like Jensen did. All he can do is grind, roll and circle his hips, feel all their sweaty skin sliding together as he explores the inside of Jensen’s body. It’s tight and hot and so soft and so, so close to Jensen that Jared lets a couple of tears drip down on Jensen’s back as he moves, pushing both of their bodies upward as Jensen presses back against him, giving as much as he’s getting. 

Jared’s spilling himself into Jensen suddenly, the pleasure of it ripping through him unexpectedly, taking his breath and his thoughts until all that’s left of Jared is _Jensen_. 

He thinks maybe he wants it to stay that way forever. 

They roll to their sides and Jared doesn’t let himself pull out. He stays inside Jensen when he reaches around and strokes him, teases him with his hand until Jensen’s fingers dig into his arm, until Jensen is just holding on as he explodes. 

The sun is almost completely risen now, calling them to start their day. They fall back asleep in each other’s arms.

********

Just as they start expecting Jeffrey to return, as their time alone is coming to an end, Jared wakes up with the feeling pulling at him, the intuition he understands now as a type of prediction, like the magic inside of him can tell the future. He hasn’t felt in since it brought him here, had thought maybe the few times he had felt it as a child were all just to get him here, and that it had run its course. 

“What do you think it means?” Jensen asks when he tells him.

“I don’t know. It feels sad this time, but not dangerous. Not tragic. It feels...like change.”

“What do you want to do?” 

Jared shrugs and frowns, trying to figure out exactly what this feeling is and what it’s trying to tell him. “I don’t know. I don’t think I’m supposed to do anything. Just wait.”

“Then we’ll wait.”

The linens from Jeffrey's bed are washed and clean when he returns, smelling like sunshine and fresh air. Jared isn’t looking forward to sleeping alone again, let alone on his too-small mattress after days of holding himself from back from Jensen again, but he almost forgets about that in his happiness to see Jeffrey.

“Welcome home!” he cries, running and hugging Jeffrey like a little kid, like he isn’t an inch taller than the old man now.

“It’s good to be back,” Jeffrey laughs, slamming him on the back a couple of times as he kisses Jared’s cheek. “I missed you both.”

Jensen stands behind them, patiently waiting his turn to get an embrace, quieter but just as full of love. With an arm around each of them, Jeffrey pulls them inside and drops his body into a chair. He looks tired, a little haggard and unkempt.

“How was your trip?” Jensen asks, and Jared can hear the concern in his voice.

“Long,” Jeffrey grins. “I’m not young anymore. Traveling takes a toll on me. But it was good to see my friend.”

“Who is this friend? A woman?” Jared raises his eyebrow and teasingly grins.

“No, nothing like that. He was a teacher of mine when I was a boy. I learned magic from him, much the same as you learned from me.”

“How long had it been since your last visit?” Jensen asks.

“Oh, sixty years or so.”

Jeffrey says the words as if they’re normal, as if that isn’t impossible. And Jared can tell he means them.

“B-but,” he stammers, “you aren’t sixty years old.”

Jeffrey leans forward and rubs his jaw, a look in his eyes that makes him seem absolutely ancient. “We have a lot to talk about, boys.”

That night, they build a fire on the shore, blinding as it burns into the night sky. Jeffrey pokes at it for a while, gathering his thoughts, and neither of them bother him while he decides what he wants to say.

“Magic is a funny thing,” he finally starts. “In some ways, it’s not all that different from a regular life. A little prettier sometimes, a little more decoration, but nothing more than that. To do more than that changes things, causes rifts and shifts that have dangerous consequences.”

Jared nods along like the good student he is. He knows all about the consequences of magic, the rules he must follow.

“But in some ways, magic changes everything in ways even I still can’t comprehend. Immortality, for example.”

“Immortality?” Jensen’s face is somber with rapt attention, his whole body leaning forward.  

“It’s an ancient magic that not many can use. It requires more skill and patience than exists normally in human nature. But it can be done- keeping yourself from aging.”

Jared’s mind is spinning. “So…that means that you’re…how old are you?”

“Well over two hundred years. I lost track somewhere along the way.”

Jensen’s face is closed off as always, none of the thoughts or emotions inside of him showing in the blank way he’s watching the fire. But Jared can feel the wonder inside of him, the curiosity and slight fear. Jared is feeling all the same things when he turns back to Jeffrey. “Why are you telling us this now?”

“Because he’s ending it.” Jensen’s voice is as flat as his expression, just the barest hint of accusation. “He’s saying goodbye.”

Jeffrey smiles sadly. “One can’t live forever. It’s too hard. I went to my teacher because he summoned me. He wanted to tell me that his time was over and that he was letting go. I sat with him, held his hand while he left this world, and I knew right then. It’s my time to go as well.”

Jared’s hair flutters around his face, and he realizes he’s shaking his head. “What are you talking about? Why?”

He can’t quite get a hold on the conversation, too many sudden confessions, too many things that don’t make sense piling up as a heavy weight on his chest.

“Do you remember the day I told you about Sassa?”

He’s speaking only to Jared now, and Jensen narrows his eyes, trying to understand. “Of course I do.”

“It was the first time I’d spoken of her to anyone since she was taken from me. I managed to push those memories down for over a century and convince myself that my life still had purpose. And then you two showed up, scrawny and angry and needing to be raised. But speaking of her that day…it brought her back.”

Jared doesn’t try to stop the tears on his face as he realizes that Jeffrey means every word he’s said tonight. This is goodbye.

“It also made me realize that the life I’m living isn’t real anymore. I’ve been an empty shell of who I used to be for a very long time, and it’s time I gave myself some peace.”

“But,” Jared argues instantly, “what about us? Your life here with us is good, is it not?”

“I love you both like you were my own. You know that. But the two of you don’t need me anymore. You’re grown. And even if you weren’t, you have each other. That’s all the two of you ever needed.”

It’s so true it hurts, sends an ache through Jared that he knows Jensen can feel. “But that doesn’t mean we don’t want you,” he argues quietly.

Jeffrey only smiles, leans down and presses his lips to Jared’s forehead, then the top of his head. “You will be fine. Better than that. And as for me, well, I’ll be with my Sassa. That’s where I belong.”

“Then why even come back? Why not just die there with your teacher?” Jared’s lashing out, his anger misplaced, but he doesn’t care.

“You know I could never leave without saying goodbye to my boys. I needed to tell you how proud I am of the men you’ve become.”

Jared spends the next few minutes arguing, doing his best to convince Jeffrey that they need him here, that he doesn’t have to go, that they’ll do a better job of letting him know how necessary he is. Jensen just sits silently, staring out over the water and then at the flames, never letting the tears pooled in his eyes actually fall.

But none of it matters. Jeffrey is determined and stubborn, and deep down, Jared knows he’s right. If Jeffrey feels that his life here with them is over, then he should do what he must. The anger and arguing settles into quiet lamenting.

Jensen finally speaks, eyes looking only at the ground. “What will we do without you?” He isn’t being overly emotional. He’s expressing real concern, asking for Jeffrey’s guidance one last time.

“Take care of each other,” Jeffrey shrugs, smiling like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Hold onto one another and keep each other safe. Grow strong together. Love each other.”

Jared’s heart slams in his chest at the finality of this, of the sharp turn their lives have taken, at the admission of his relationship with Jensen from another person’s mouth. It’s overwhelming, makes him swallow hard as a strange, garbled noise works its way out of his throat.

“Let’s discuss this more tomorrow,” he pleads. “Let’s just go inside.”

“I think I’ll stay out here and watch the water for a while,” Jeffrey says.

Jared holds back a sob. There will be no discussion in the morning. When he hugs Jeffrey goodnight, he does his best to push his feelings into him like he does with Jensen, to make Jeffrey feel all the love and gratitude he has. When Jeffrey’s hold tightens and he whispers “thank you”, he thinks it might have worked.

He heads into the hut without looking back, knowing he’ll break down if he does. Jensen joins him a few minutes later, looking shocked and a little broken.

Without a word, they both climb into Jensen’s small bed, curling around one another until they fit, then hanging on desperately, hands digging into each other with painful grips.

“I understand his decision,” Jensen murmurs into the darkness.

“You do?”

Jared can feel Jensen’s nod, and then his lips are against Jared’s when he speaks again. “If you were gone, I’d leave with you.”

The whole world spins a little, changes until its center is Jensen. Jared can feel the shift just as he’s felt it before- nothing matters except Jensen. Only this time, it’s more than just affection and love and their magic binding them together. This time, it’s survival. Jared can feel Jensen’s chest move, and it’s like he’s surviving off that air, too, like his own beating heart is keeping Jensen alive, like they’re sharing blood.

They will not exist without each other.

It’s a scary thought, to need someone so much you’d die with them, simply because you don’t exist if they don’t.

But when Jared really thinks about it, it’s comforting, too. It doesn’t make Jared any less sad or angry over Jeffrey’s decision, but he understands it.

They fall asleep with their foreheads pressed together.

The next morning, they gather Jeffrey’s lifeless body from the sand. He looks peaceful, his mouth almost smiling, like he just fell asleep and is happily resting. They place him in his boat, covering his body with the pretty grasses that grow in small tufts toward the line of trees behind them. Jensen lights it with a torch, and they both say prayers to all the gods as they send Jeffrey out to sea.

It’s just them now. They are truly alone in this world.

Jared had been alone when he lost his family, had felt the sadness and fear of that isolation and hopelessness. But this time, there is no fear at not belonging to the world.

This time, he belongs to Jensen instead.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Scandinavia, 789 A.D._ **

Time passes in waves over the next several years, stretches of uneventful calm interrupted every now and then by peaks of intense happiness, perfect and sweet memories they make together. Jared’s mind runs over their life together, and most of it is just a peaceful blur. But he can still clearly see the look on Jensen’s face the day they forged rings out of iron and exchanged them with all the promises they’d already made years before. He can still smell the air the night they slept on the sand and dreamed together for the first time. He can still hear his own happy laughter the day Jensen holds out a hand a starts a roaring fire in their fireplace without even thinking about it, finally mastering the element that always gave him trouble. 

Their life has been simple and easy, full of more joy and magic than any other human could ever dream. They’re growing more powerful every day, teaching themselves new things, learning to expand their magic simply by learning themselves, who they are and where their strengths lie. The magic becomes as natural as breathing. 

Somewhere along they way, they leave Jeffrey’s home and build their own closer to the village. They can no longer hear the waves at night, but it’s nice to feel like part of something, to have friends and take part in normal life. They pretend to be brothers, of course, knowing it would be dangerous to tell the truth, and they still keep to themselves most of the time. But the change is good. It keeps them from losing touch with reality. Still, they visit Jeffrey’s hut every now and then, grown over with vines and plants but still familiar. 

They’re on their way home from one of these visits when the sky clouds over, turns an angry dark gray as a low rumble sounds in the distance. Jensen links his hand with Jared’s and starts to walk a little faster. 

“Scared of a storm?” Jared teases.

“Just don’t want to get soaked with rain,” he shrugs. 

“I think you look good all wet.” 

Jensen grins at him, bright and with all kinds of promise behind it that makes Jared shiver.  A tingle starts between their joined hands and travels up Jared’s arm and into his chest, making his breath catch when he realizes Jensen’s controlling it. That tingle continues to spread, lower and lower until it reaches between Jared’s legs and makes him swell instantly. He can’t help the moan that escapes him, his steps faltering as he tries to focus. 

“Too much?” Jensen asks, a little hesitant now. In all their years together, they’ve never used magic on each other this way. 

“No, just...just different.” Jared takes a second to get used to the sensation, then concentrates, sends the same tingle through Jensen.

Jensen holds back whatever noise he wants to make, and Jared watches his mouth as he bites his lip. He wants to lean forward and suck on it, but something tells him not to. If they’re going to use magic, maybe it would be fun to use only magic. 

They continue walking home, not talking, not touching beyond their entwined fingers, but they are teasing each other now with their magic. Gentle heat rising in the right places. The sensation of fingernails scratching at skin. The pressure of a tongue sucking at a hipbone. All created without touching each other at all. 

By the time they reach their longhouse, they are all but panting, sweaty and desperate for each other. But Jensen wants to finish what he started. 

“Undress and lie down.”

Jared hears the rumble of thunder as he does what he’s told. The storm is rolling in fast, and he can smell it through the windows, the shutters wide open. It’s wild and crackling in the air, very much the same way Jensen looks standing in front of him now, fully dressed at the end of the bed and staring down at him with a hard look on his face. 

“Do you want me to touch you?”

Jared considers it for a moment. Do they really want to bring magic to this part of their lives? It’s the only thing untouched by their powers, and Jared thinks maybe they should keep it for themselves. 

In the same breath, he realizes how silly that is now. The magic is them. There’s no separation now, and he doesn’t want there to be. It’s only natural that it becomes part of this, too. 

“No, not with your body,” Jared answers, and a new understanding, dark and exciting, flows silently between them. 

Jared closes his eyes and waits for something he isn’t sure of. There are probably a million different ways they could pleasure each other with their magic, and he has no idea which one Jensen will choose. 

And then that tingle comes again, slow and creeping, starting at his toes. He curls them a little, enjoying the tickle as it awakens the rest of his body, sets every part of him tingling on their own, without the magic. Jensen’s spell sweeps over him until he’s practically shaking, breathing heavily and sighing every now and then, overwhelmed at his whole body being touched at once. 

“Jen,” he breathes.

“Shhh. Let me.”

Suddenly, he’s linked to Jensen’s mind, but it’s not total, not complete like it usually is. This time, Jensen’s not giving everything away. He’s controlling what Jared can feel and see. Like he’s dreaming, Jared is suddenly swept away in moving images that aren’t quite complete. His mouth wrapped around Jensen’s hard length. His own face as he cries out, Jensen slamming into him again and again. The curve of his back as seen from above, as Jensen hovers over him. His own sweat-matted hair as he sleeps, skin still flushed, Jensen’s handprints everywhere. 

Oh, but it’s incredible. He’s seeing himself through Jensen, feeling himself the way Jensen’s body does, and it’s so different, and so exactly the same, and Jared can’t stop himself from crying out on the bed, not a hand on him. He lies there and lets Jensen show him everything, relives their physical life through Jensen, until he’s throbbing so hard it hurts. 

“Please,” he finally gasps. “Touch me.”

But Jensen just waves a hand, forcing a sucking sensation down Jared’s chest like he’s kissing him there, putting marks on his skin. Jared arches into the sensation, wanting more, wonderfully frustrated that there’s no heavy weight to push against. 

“Roll over.”

Again, Jared obeys instantly, and Jensen is magically stretching him open, achingly empty and needy, only the warm sparks of magic and the friction of the bed beneath him to give him any kind of satisfaction. 

And then Jared realizes what he wants. 

“Stop.” The instant he says the word, Jensen’s magic is gone. He whines once for the sudden cold emptiness, then rolls back over and opens his arms. “Come here.”

Jensen slides out of his clothes and into the bed, his body fitting into Jared’s like a puzzle piece, long limbs tangled until they can’t tell their own bodies apart. 

“Do you trust me?” Jared asks, biting at Jensen’s bottom lip a little harder than necessary. 

“Always.”

“Hold out your arm.”

Jensen does as Jared asks, awkwardly pulling one arm away and out into the air for Jared to see. Jared lifts his own, the one that still bears the mark he tattooed on himself years ago, the symbol that belongs to them. 

“You want me to wear it, too?” Jensen asks.

“If you want,” he shrugs. “But that’s not what I’m doing.”

Rolling to his back, he lifts his free hand and presses it over the mark, pulling away a second later to reveal a cut on his arm, ruby droplets of his blood seeping through his skin. Jensen doesn’t pull away when he does the same to his arm, a matching cut, blood the same color. 

Jared isn’t sure how, but they both know what to do. He rolls on top of Jensen, straddles his hips as they press their arms together, mixing their blood. 

“Mine, _elskan min_ ,” he breathes. 

“ _Elskan min_ , you have always been mine. And you will be, forever,” Jensen answers. 

They hold their arms together, and Jared is absolutely certain that the blood lights up on its own, that it glows as it moves between them, the same blood in both of their bodies now, one more thing they share, one more thing that binds them. 

When they kiss, Jared can feel the magic take hold, can feel Jensen’s heartbeat as if it’s his own. The lightning of the storm hits the ground outside their home, and Jared takes it in, wills the spark and ferocity of it to become part of them in this moment. 

Jensen moans and watches as Jared holds out his hands, the flicker of the lightning between his fingers, crackling and sparking and creating an eerie glow over their skin. He touches Jensen with it, little shocks that make Jensen thrash around, beg for more. And Jared can feel it, too, thrumming through him, hitting spots that have only been touched by Jensen pounding into him. 

Jensen doesn’t last long under Jared’s hands, and he’s soon spreading his legs wider, wrapping them around Jared’s waist and pulling Jared inside of him. They move as fast and hard as the storm outside, grunting and growling their way through it like they are the storm, like the thunder is the sound of their bodies smacking together and the flashes of lightning are what Jensen’s seeing when Jared hits just the right spot. 

The storm rages on, and so do they, never letting themselves finish, exhausting themselves on each other until the storm dies down, and then continuing on into the dark of night, clawing at each other like they’ll never be done. 

It’s not until the sun starts to rise that they finish with each other, the bed broken beneath them, their skin marked with each other’s bruises and blood, sore and still unable to move more than a few inches away from each other as they try to sleep. 

Jared happens to lower his gaze as he drifts off, and smiles when he sees their mark, permanently etched into Jensen’s skin now, as well as his own.


	7. Chapter 7

**_Scandinavia, 794, A.D._ **

“Jensen! Wake up! You’re missing a beautiful morning!”

Jensen groans and rolls away from Jared’s poking fingers, pulls the blanket tighter around his body and refuses to open his eyes. “I’ve seen beautiful mornings before,” he growls. “Let me sleep.”

“What, like you need the rest?” Jared teases. “You’re turning into an old man.”

Jensen snorts and squints one eye open. “I’m not the one with gray hairs on my head.”

“I do not have gray hairs,” Jared gasps, hand over his heart like his feelings are hurt. 

“You do.”

“That’s a shame. I wanted to travel the world before I was too weak and frail to do it.”

Jensen gets up, sighing like he knows he won’t sleep anymore this morning, and stretches, muscles loosening up as he reaches his arms over his head. Jared’s fingers trail over his lower stomach, curl around his hips and pull him in for a long kiss.

“If you really want to travel the world, then let’s go,” Jensen murmurs. 

Jared smiles and talks into the kiss, pushes Jensen back down onto the bed, but there’s no sleeping on either of their minds now. “It would be incredible, wouldn’t it? You and me, seeing everything together, learning what else is out there. Imagine what we could do.”

“I wonder what other magic is out there,” Jensen sighs, leaning into Jared’s hand as it slides down his bare side to his hip. 

Before Jared realizes it, the conversation turns serious. “We really don’t have anything stopping us, do we?”

“Just your old age,” Jensen grins, but the real question is there in his eyes.

“That actually might be a problem,” Jared sits up. “How far could we really get before we needed to settle down again?”

“As far as we want. Why do we have to grow old in the first place?” Jensen is still sleepy enough to let the words fall out of his mouth, and Jared can tell that he isn’t sure about them the second they leave his mouth.

“What?”

Jensen stands up and rubs at his face, waking himself up before he blurts anything else. “It’s nothing. Just...something I think about sometimes.”

“What- immortality?”

Jensen nods nervously. 

“Jensen, even if we wanted to, and I’m not sure that we do, we don’t know the spell. I don’t think that’s one we could figure out on our own.”

“I know the spell.”

Jared’s mouth falls open as he watches Jensen stare at the ground, guilt in his face and in the set of his shoulders. “You what?”

“I know the spell. Jeffrey gave it to me the night he died. You had already gone inside.”

“Why did you keep this from me?” There’s no hiding the fear in his voice, fear that there may be other things inside of Jensen he doesn’t know, other secrets that Jensen hasn’t allowed him to see. 

“Because Jeffrey asked me to. I felt I owed it to him. He wanted me to wait until it felt right to mention it to you. I thought he meant to wait until we wouldn’t be tempted by it. But it feels right now.”

Jared takes a few breaths and lets his brain catch up with Jensen’s words. “You’re serious? You think this is something we should consider?”

“Do you?”

“I think this is something we should meditate on. Really think about before we do anything we might regret.”

Jensen nods. “I agree. In the meantime, I owe you an apology for not telling you I had this spell. Why don’t we get back in bed and I’ll make it up to you?”

Jared grins in spite of himself, and lets Jensen shove him down into their mattress.

They don’t speak of it again for a couple of weeks, but it’s all they think about. Jared can’t get the idea out of his head, and he knows from how silent Jensen is that he’s thinking the exact same thoughts, weighing the same options against each other. 

Forever.

It’s a heavy idea, one that terrifies Jared. Does he really want to have that kind of power? Can he do it? It’s a scary thought to leave their home and not return. 

But scarier than that is the thought of twenty more years here, then death. Death in which Jensen is not guaranteed to follow. 

By the time Jared’s ready to discuss the idea again, he knows that he’s made his decision, that he made it long before he knew he had the power to see it through. He can feel it now, that _pull_ , not guiding him this time, just reassuring him after he’s made the decision.

He waits until Jensen is sitting outside after dinner one evening, carving away at a piece of wood and turning it into what will undoubtedly be a beautiful talisman. 

“I want to spend forever with you,” Jared says, without any warning or lead in.

Jensen’s hands still and he looks up with wide eyes, understanding exactly what Jared means. “You’re certain?”

“Completely.”

Jensen stands up and drops his work, throwing his arms around Jared and squeezing the breath out of him. “I am too, _elskan min_.”

There are plans to be made, the spell to discuss, so much they need to talk about. But first, they head inside and spend the night on the floor in front of the fire, letting it warm their skin as they touch and kiss and love each other, as they explore skin they are already intimately familiar with, as they make movements they’ve made many times before, and make them seem new with the feeling they put behind them. Jared doesn’t think about the future, doesn’t think about why they should or shouldn’t do it. All he thinks about is the man in his arms, the man who is wrapped around his heart and his soul, the man whose blood he shares. The rest will come when it comes. 

********

Once the decision has been made, once they’ve spent a full week talking it through, they’re ready to leave in just a few short hours.

“I’m sorry to leave this place,” Jared smiles fondly, running a hand over the door of their longhouse. “We built it ourselves. Feels like part of us is in these walls.”

“A part of us will always be here,” Jensen agrees. “As it should be.”

“Are you nervous?”

“A little. Are you?”

Jared nods, swallows hard, unsure of himself and unable to express it. 

Jensen, like always, knows exactly what he needs. “Jared, we can handle this. We’ve always held our magic under control. When it doesn’t feel right anymore, we’ll let go, just like Jeffrey did. Just as countless others before him must have. There’s nothing we can’t undo, right?”

“Right. But what if it’s too much power for me to handle? What if it changes me?”

“You trust me, don’t you?”

“With my life. Always.”

“Then trust me to anchor you. And you’ll anchor me. We won’t get lost.”

Jared nods, the last little bit of his fear drifting up into the sky. 

“You ready to go?”

Jared grins. “I thought we’d spend one more night here. There’s someplace we need to say goodbye to.”

The ocean is as gorgeous as Jared’s ever seen it, blue-gray in the sunset, white froth at the tops of the waves. Jeffrey’s house is still standing, but it looks like it belongs in another time now, like it belongs to a life Jared lived once before, one that he has moved on from. They drop their large leather packs against the crumbling hut and strip down, pad their way out toward the water in the cool breeze. 

Jared drops to his knees and sucks Jensen down, taking him until until he bumps the back of his throat, tongue swirling around every curve. He needs to taste him here one last time, needs to remember all the stolen moments exactly like this one that took place in that hut, in this very sand. Jared bobs his head, whimpering when Jensen tangles his fingers in Jared’s hair and pulls, searing all of it into his brain, making sure that their life together up to now has a special place in his heart where it won’t get lost. Whatever adventures they have now, he wants the time they had here to remain the most important.  

He can feel Jensen doing the same thing, can feel his fingers lingering, his body relaxing like he wants to take his time. Jared keeps going, keeps his mouth on as much of Jensen as possible, sucking and kissing and licking and teasing, until his jaw hurts, until Jensen finally tightens up and spills down his throat.

And before Jensen can even take a calming breath, Jared pulls away, stands up and takes off running toward the water. 

“You may have gray hair,” Jensen calls out after him, laughter in his voice, “but you are definitely still a child.”

“Come out here,” Jared calls, splashing into water higher than his waist. “I’ll show you how much of a man I really am.”

When the sun goes down, they pull themselves from the water and settle down to sleep where the sand turns to tall grass, pulling their clothes on and snuggling together for warmth. 

“So...when we leave in the morning,” Jensen whispers into the night, “where do you want to go?”

Jared stares up at the stars, raises his hand and shoots a stream of golden sparks into the sky. 

“Anywhere. Let’s just go to the village dock and get on the first ship we see.”

Jensen laughs. “That’s not a very well-thought out plan.”

“And?”

“And I can’t wait to see where we land.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Feedback is my lifeblood. I love you all! XOXOXO


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